I'm Not Crazy!

For the last 3 years I have been going through what seemed to be hormonal changes. As of last year it started to get worse. I had extreme uncontrollable mood swings or feelings of sadness. It got to a point where it started to affect my life. Just within the last few months my moods were uncontrollable. Finally I made a doctor's appointment and had to take a series of test to rule out different things that could possible be wrong. My test came back and I was deemed healthy. Now I'm confused what the hell is going on!? Am I just crazy!? My doctor determined that I have PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) it is 100x worse than PMS. If you are not familiar with PMDD you can read briefly about it here. My Doctor prescribed me an oral contraceptive by the name of Yasmin and therapy.

Therapy is such a blessing because I have needed to go since I moved to Texas. As I'm trying to get ahead in life I have issues that I can't get trough on my own. I also have to watch my eating habits and make sure I work out. I'm glad now I know what causes my craziness, now I have to deal with it.

Lipstick Jungle

This is my new favorite show! I haven't had much time to watch television. When I do, I am either watching(mainly listening) to basketball or catching up on Project Runway. Between the kids, working, going to school and trying to study, I don't have time to do or watch anything. I happen to catch a repeat marathon on this show one Saturday after my son's basketball game and in between reading my history book. I was hooked on the first episode. Unfortunately I am in school when it airs so I have to watch the show on the internet. Besides sports there are not too many shows that I can say keep me interested. Especially with all the whack ass reality shows on. This show is strictly for me, not something I watch with the kids or even talk about over the phone with friends. This is a lock myself in my room with some Starbucks ice cream and don't answer the phone show.

I haven't really had the desire to post. Maybe because I'm tired(lol). This semester is wearing me out! So hopefully soon I will get back to posting.

I think I fried my brain!!!!! I need to take a break from doing my school work!!!

The New Gig.

I have been on my new job now for about 3weeks. I'm getting acquainted with everyone's personalities and bad habits. For the most part everyone is okay, there are a couple of people I will have to keep my eye on. I feel very confident about this position. I believe it will open the door for bigger and better things. I work for three executives and one manager. Right now I'm doing some of everything. My position is new, so I don't have a definite job description. So far two of my executives are giving me work to do. Not just any work but things that they are not able to handle anymore and they really need for me to learn. My manager sends me stuff to print because she doesn't feel like going to the printer. Just because I am new does not mean I will do anything. So I told her I was too busy to get it. Don't' worry I told her in a very sweet and professional way. I am not about to got through the lazy manager syndrome again. I'm not here to be someones flunky. She also gives bad directions. I have already figured out who to stay under and who not to(for mentoring purposes only).

Spring semester starts on Tuesday. This will be a very hectic semester for me because I am taking five classes(three online and two on campus). This will be a test of my disciplinary skills. I believe that I can do it. My goal is to prove to myself that I can. I try to focus on when the semester is over. I know it sounds crazy but it works for me. May will be here before you know it and then I can breathe again, lol. Because of my hectic schedule this semester I will not be able to spend too much time with my friend. Normally I wouldn't even care, but I'm so sprung(lol) that I can't help but be a little sad. I really like the attention and I don't want to give it up just yet.

Mommy has a crush.

Normally I'm in control of how I feel. I know I am a total control freak. But I have been that way for a long time. Since breaking up with my ex three years ago I will only deal with a man on a minimal basis. I will not get emotionally attached or put too much effort into getting to know them. I always tell myself I don't have time to deal with a man, only when I feel the need(sad but true). This time I got caught up.

The men that I dated all the way up until my ex were gang members( I was young don't hold it against me). Being from Los Angeles this is about 85% of the men. Most of them being so called pretty boys(very common in L.A). My ex and I grew apart and I knew that I didn't want another man like him. So when I moved to Texas I didn't have the same attraction to that type of man. The only thing is that I started dating younger men. My attraction to them was just purely physical. I guess it was easy for me to deal with because I could control the situation. If I didn't like them I would not talk to them anymore. Mainly it was just for convenience.

I have a friend who I absolutely adore. I guess he was sent to me so that I could see what I was doing was limiting myself. He has shown me allot already. I always joke with him about how he needs to step up his game to be with me. But honestly I have to step my game up for him. I see my jokes as a defense to protect myself. Now that I recognize that I have to do something about it(lol). He is the exact opposite of what I was dealing with. His perspectives on different situations are totally different than what I'm use to hearing. I am so attracted to him physically that it hurts. He is sexy as hell, dresses well and always smells good. But his personality and intellect is such a turn on that I find myself daydreaming about him. I haven't had a crush in years(not counting the few celebrities that I like). I mean butterflies in my stomach, finding myself trying to make sure that I look on point when I see him, even if I'm in my lounging clothes. This is so unlike me to go through so much trouble for a man. I'm so use to being in control of how I feel and now my feeling are uncontrollable. I'm trying to just go with it, but being the control freak that I am it is really hard.

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Not Quite Ready to Forgive.

The holiday season is suppose to be a time for family. Since moving to Texas I will normally talk to my mother and sister by telephone. But this year is different. I have not spoken with either one of them since the summer. We had this big falling out over my daughter, which resulted in me discontinuing our relationship. Let me recap the situation briefly.


Baby Girl(my 15 year old daughter) has been acting out for about two years. It progressively got worse. She started running away, stealing, skipping school, lying exssesively and is sexually active. I have had to deal with all of this on my own, without any help from her father. Of course being her mother I am responsible for everything she does. All of this became very overwhelming and difficult to deal with. Because she was out of control people started looking at me like I was the problem. I had to defend myself constantly. Well Baby Girl would call and talk to my mother and sister all the time and just lie. You would think that they wouldn't fall for it, but instead my mother threaten to call child services on me. My sister told her to call the police.....ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! I am the one who should be calling the police. What that did was open the door for my child to call the police everytime she got mad. We have had them out to our house about 5 times now. My mother made Baby Girl think that she was going to send for her and she would take care of her because I am such a bad mother. Never once thinking about my son. If I am so bad why wouldn't you try and take him too. I would have never told my nephew to call the police on his mom. Especially knowing she is doing the best she can by herself. In the end my daughter is still with me because my mother didn't go through with what she started.


I felt betrayed by both of them. How dare you turn my child against me like that. Trust me when I tell you she will not be calling the police again or she will be living at the police station! At first I was just angry now I'm hurt. The two people who I counted on, couldn't even be supportive to both sides. They took the side of a child who has been in constant trouble inside and outside of the home.


Our relationship will never be the same. My mother always places the blame on others instead of taking responsibility for what she has done. My sister thinks she was being a good aunt by giving her niece bad advice. How do you recover? I'm still working on forgivness, but it is hard. Because it is family you are suppose to just accept them and go on. But at what point do you draw the line? This is not the first time my mother has done some shady stuff. This was the last straw, I can't keep letting her do these things to me. My sister and I have had some disagreements before that resulted in us not speaking for a period of time, but nothing that would make me not want to talk to her anymore. This situation was serious enough to make me say the hell with both of them.

My First Day.

Today was my first day at my new company. Normally there is this feeling of intimidation when you start a new job. Mainly because you're in a position where you have to be trained and you knowledge of what you're doing is limited. This felt very different. I felt as if I've already been established here. There was no pressure or no uncomfortable feelings. Everyone seemed to go with the flow. I work with mostly women but enough men to balance out the estrogene. I must say I am quite excited and I feel as if I'm heading in the right direction. I feel like a door has been opened and it is time for me to step in. I don't even miss my old job. I guess because there is so much more here for me to do. Hopefully by the end of the week I will have a computer at my desk so I can actually do some work, lol.